Guest Post: Surviving as a Single Mom

My husband discovered this blog of someone he knew sharing about how as a single mom she is working to pay off her debt. During 2011 she paid off over $10,000! She blogs about her journey to develop better financial habits while raising her teenage son on her own over at So Over Debt.

I know that there's been several times when my husband has been out of town and I often wonder how single mothers survive (let alone thrive). It seems every time my husband is out of town, there's either an ice storm or a big snow storm or something! Anyway,  I asked Andrea if she'd be willing to write a guest post and share her story. It sure encourages me to try to have better spending/saving habits.

From Andrea:

An outsider looking in on my life would get bored quickly. Since my divorce in 2009, I am constantly working or cleaning, and I spend any rare free time with my son and 4 dogs. Every now and then, for a treat, I go to the tanning salon where I’m guaranteed no one will yell "MOM!" for 15 minutes. Yep, that’s as exciting as it gets.

However, one part of my life isn’t as easy to see. In fact, most of my friends and family aren’t even aware of it. While I wish it were something cool, like a secret super hero identity, this aspect of me is decidedly uncool (though still dramatic): I am a recovering spendaholic.

I wasn’t always addicted to debt. Well, only if you count the years I was too young to know what money was. To be truthful, I had a “spend now, pay later” mindset even as a small child. I would beg my parents to give me my Christmas and birthday gifts early. If someone gave me money, I had to spend it RIGHT THAT MINUTE OR I WOULD DIE. If my mom said we couldn’t afford something, I thought she could just write a check! I’m not sure where this attitude came from but I’ve struggled with it most of my life.

As an adult, I continued my quest to consume and spend everything in my path. I married another compulsive spender at 19. We used credit cards constantly, borrowed money for stupid purchases, ended up bankrupt, and got back into debt by the time we divorced when I was 26. I left the marriage with $61,200 in debt, including four credit cards, a car loan, and student loans.

For a year after my divorce, I continued to make excuses for what I was doing. It’s hard to survive without my ex’s income, I told myself. Many people have to use credit cards after a divorce. I think I was expecting some kind of miracle to happen – maybe some wealthy man would fall in love with me, or I would inherit money from a rich aunt I didn’t know about. During that time, I depended heavily on my parents to rescue me when I ran out of money between paydays.

Gradually, it occurred to me that I was the only one who could do anything about my financial problems. I can’t pinpoint exactly how or when I had this epiphany; I just knew I couldn’t continue on my path of destruction. Mostly, I think I realized that my ex will never change and it’s up to me to ensure a better future for my son.

I started making small changes, like finding a new bank, reducing my spending, and making (gasp!) a budget. I started a blog where all my financial successes and failures are out there for the world to see. Eventually all those little things added up to a huge difference in the way I spend, save, and think about money.

These days, I’m doing okay financially. I have about $3000 in savings, no credit card debt, and the motivation to stay away from overspending for the rest of my life. I follow my budget and avoid shopping.

When I got divorced, I never thought I could find stability on my own, but I’ve learned that the only thing standing in my way was me! It’s amazing how far I can stretch my small income now that I’m not wasting it on junk and debt payments. I plan ahead for expenses instead of being caught off guard. The best part of all? Somewhere along the way, I forgot to wait for Prince Charming and became happy just being myself.

Health & Fitness Reviews: Workout Programs

We took a few weeks' break on Tidy Tuesday for Valentine's Day, but now we're ready to finish up our Health & Fitness Reviews series. So here are our thoughts on some workout programs we've done.

P90X - Joni says: This is a crazy intense program, but don't let that scare you away. The workouts are brutal, but honestly, they're fun. There are 13 different DVD's, so there is plenty of variety so you don't get bored. I'll tell you that I didn't really follow the plan exactly because it was too intense and too long to fit in my schedule each day. What I did was take 2 weeks to complete one of their weeks. The first week, I did the first half of each hour-long workout, then the second week I did the second half. So that's just one way to stay in the game without murdering yourself. My husband and I did this program together, though, and we really enjoyed it. In fact, my husband lost 50 pounds doing the P90X program! Generally, it's hard to find a workout video I would want to do with him because most of them are led by women who aren't wearing enough clothes. However, these ones seem to be targeted toward men, but still fun enough for the gals too. We enjoyed this one, and though we didn't stay with it long-term, we still pull the DVD's out for a good workout occasionally. (P.S. These DVD's are really expensive! We bought them on eBay for half the price!)

Insanity- Lela says: I have done both the full 90 days of P90X, as well as Insanity. I wish I could just focus on Insanity for this review, but I will have to add this disclaimer. P90x made me stronger, both mind and body and prepared my body for the high intensity interval training on which Insanity is based. I will say that this workout is by far my most favorite set of workouts that I have ever done. It is also the most challenging workouts I have ever done (compared to Tae Bo, Biggest Loser and other more no name DVDs over my adult years). Someone described the program best when they said, "Insanity: You get stronger. The workouts never get easier." How this happens, I don't know. My endurance as well as lean muscle mass both increased while consistently following this 60 day program (I actually enjoyed it so much, I did it for 120 days and found even more of a benefit). I found p90x to be a bit boring and mundane and hard to even motivate to actually start some mornings. Insanity was a lot easier to wake up to at 6 am and accomplish. It produces the largest amount of sweat I have ever produced within the confines of my home (I sweat tons, so a good run will make it roll, but never has a dvd produced such similar results of a hard, fast or long run). The workouts in the first 30 days are mainly between 40 and 55 minutes. That is totally doable and allows time for some extra stretching if you feel you need it. The second 30 days are more like 45-65 minutes, but still, totally doable if you are more pressed for time. All of this being said, I WOULD NOT recommend this program as a beginner workout program. The strength I gained from P90x allowed me to be more fit and ready for the high intensity interval training on which this program is based. So, find something to work into this level of interval training if you are interested in taking your body to the next level. I have tried other DVDs since this time to supplement my running and weight training, but always go back to these workouts for the best overall body cardio/toning results. This, like P90X is costly, so check around on Ebay and other places to see what deals and/or discounts you can find!

Homeschooling My Preschooler

As I mentioned previously, I have a 3-year-old who is just beginning a Mother's Day Out program two mornings a week.  He's not ready for a real preschool yet, and I expect this experience will be more about social learning than intellectual learning.  However, I also want to start thinking along the lines of real school, though, and because of our circumstances, I think we have a lot of preparation to do.  We are planning a move overseas in the next few months, and that means that until we get our feet on the ground and figure out what we want to do, I'll be homeschooling him - and I may homeschool for many years.  I want to start planning ahead now and know exactly what I want to do because I'll definitely have other things to think about once we get moved!

So I started looking around for a preschool curriculum that I could start on a small basis now, and then move to more full-time as he grows and is ready for more.  A friend recommended to me the free faith-based curriculum called ABC Jesus Loves Me, and I really think it's going to be perfect for us!  I like it for a few reasons:

1. It's free!  There are a few books and resources to buy, but she has her whole curriculum available to print for free online.  What a blessing.
2. It's faith-based and focuses on character.  My son is pretty sharp when it comes to intellectual learning, so I don't feel like I need to focus on things like letters and numbers.  He picks those up from watching Super Why on PBS!  What he does struggle in, though, is character traits like focus, obedience, following directions, listening, etc.  This curriculum focuses on building godly character with things like Bible stories, songs, and memory verses, so I think that will be absolutely perfect for us.  These are things I have always wanted to teach him, but haven't really known how.  This curriculum walks me completely through it and tells me exactly what to do!  I can pick and choose the things that I feel are most important for us to spend more time on.
3. She understands frugality and offers many options for resources you can make at home instead of having to pay to buy them.  I think that's great, and so I'm beginning now to work on making things we can take with us and then have them ready to do our preschool program after we move.

This curriculum is only for preschool, so I'll have to do more research to decide what direction to head when he's ready for first grade.  However, this will get us through the next couple of years!

So although I'm nervous and uncertain about being my son's teacher - teaching children is NOT my gift or my passion - I'm excited about having this curriculum and a plan to do my best in our circumstances!

Are you homeschooling?  Any thoughts about training your preschooler at home before he heads out to school?

"No Day But Today!"

It's not only Tidy Tuesday here at Muddy Mamas, when we give you ideas on how to organize, plan, clean and also, stay fit and healthy but it is. . . wait for it. . . Valentine's Day! I always have mixed emotions on this heart and love-filled holiday. I am ALL about love; love for God, love for your spouse, love for your children, love for your friends. . . love for everyone, as Jesus deemed as one of the most important commandments on which to base our lives. Sometimes, through, I feel it can bring those that may not feel that they have a "special someone" to love or to send them flowers or greet them at their door with chocolates into a place of bitterness, or sadness, or even give them a sense of little self-worth. I also think it can give people a skewed thought that only today, when there are tons of reminders in the stores to show people we love them, can we do things, big and little, to share our feelings with one another. Let us all be careful that we not only show love and work a little extra hard at showing it on this day, February 14, but may we love well and spur one another toward love every day of our lives. One way we can do that with our spouse is to carve out a time, even once a month, to workout and encourage one another to be healthy, strong and fit.

Mondays are Joshua's "day off" (I use that phrase loosely, as even tonight, he has commitments at First Baptist to meet with the Elder Team and then, has another meeting with a family from FBC.) But, mornings and afternoons are pretty much his. I have, with grace and sweetness, encouraged him to seek and find some things that he enjoys and works his heart and body a bit more, especially since he has now been officially diagnosed with some cholesterol issues that was bound to happen, considering his genetic pool. So, Monday mornings consist of our normal routine of getting the girls ready and off to school, but we get the added bonus of a coffee date at our fun, local coffee shop (we don't have fattening, mega grande treats, mind you), where we get to pray together and enjoy chatting with one another and the friends we have made with the coffee girls. It's truly just a fun, focused time that we have enjoyed making for and with one another! We then head to the YMCA (this is Joshua's least favorite part of this sweet time), where we spend an hour to an hour and fifteen minutes doing cardio/weights. Sometimes, we work together, side by side on the treadmill and then, spotting each other on the free weights. Other times, he grabs a bike and reads or studies his sermon that is upcoming, and I run my heart out until I have no sweat left to drip (no worries, I wipe down the treadmill). We head home and grab our little Laney Belle from preschool and feel the accomplished, stress busting, sweet time that we were able to enjoy together. That's our weekly schedule, and we try to throw in some outdoorsy time by spending an annual weekend away while my parents watch the girlies. We always make it an active time. We hike, canoe, golf, run crazy mud races, anything that is active and lets us enjoy being together in the sunshine.

Now, don't get me wrong, spending time vegging on the couch watching favorite shows together or reading books in the same room are all great ways to just "be" together, but don't forget that while we have energy, life and breath, we were made to move. Otherwise, joints, bones, muscles, organs. . . they definitely wouldn't be as fine tuned and specific to movement if they weren't begging to be used.

So, what do you and your favorite someone enjoy doing together? Or, maybe, this Valentine's day, you will commit to finding at least one day a month to be active and step outside your box and have some fun together. Run a 5k together? Throw the frisbee around the yard? Take a walk around the neighborhood? Is there ever a bad day to be excellent before God? There is truly "no day but today!"

3 ingredients +12 min =cake

We were having guests over For dinner & I was debating what to make for dessert. I was thinking their daughter didn't like chocolate (but that may be off) so I was trying to think of something else I could try with things I had on hand. So I decided to combine 2 things I had tried and hope that it worked out ok together. I used an idea I learned from my Pampered Chef director and one I'd tried that I learned about through pinterest (see pin here). You only need 3 ingredients but there is one optional ingredient as well.  Here's how you can make a pumpkin cake with a cream cheese glaze so easily!

Ingredients:
1 can of cream cheese icing
1 can of pumpkin
1 box of cake mix (I used yellow but if chocolate & pumpkin appeal to you I'm guessing that would work as well)
Optional: Sprinkle some cinnamon or pumpkin pie spice in as well.

Oh, and there are 2 other things you'll need:
-a microwave
-a Pampered Chef Stoneware fluted pan (I know a consultant if you need one wink wink)

Directions:

1. I used my medium scoop (another Pampered Chef tool I love) to scoop the icing out all around the bottom of the pan.

2. Mix your cake mix (you DO NOT need the ingredients on the box) and your can of pumpkin together. Add in some spices (I'd suggest cinnamon or pumpkin pie) if you like.

3. Pour that batter (It will be a little thicker than regular cake batter but maybe if I had not been to lazy to get my mixer out it would have not been as thick) on top of the icing.

4. Put it in your microwave for 12 minutes. Then let it sit for a little bit (I usually start the microwave when we sit down to eat and it's usually perfect by the time we finish and are ready for dessert).

5. Using a platter with a bit of an edge, turn the cake over onto the plate (Maybe this is a given, but I put the platter on top of the fluted pan and then hold onto both (using my oven mitts because it's still hot) and flip it over. And here's what you'll get:

The icing melts and just oozes over the cake like a cream cheese glaze. I didn't flip it quick enough so more of the icing dumped out on one side than the other, but it's easy to move it. :) 

Hope you enjoy! Let me know if you try it out and come up with any good tips or variations!

When to Stock up on What

I recently joined in on pinterest and came across this post about when to buy what foods and thought I'd pass it on. I'm definitely one to stock up on things, particularly things that won't spoil when they're on sale. Do you have anything you'd add to this list?

Gift-giving to your spouse

As I was searching for ideas for my husband for Christmas, I ran across a blog post that really struck me. We keep a very small budget for gift giving and this idea was one that I really loved. Bryn, who writes for the blog papertastebuds wrote this article about giving your spouse "Peace of Mind" for a gift. Just think about all the small things in your day that you find frustrating. Then think about how easy it would be to take those tasks, one at a time, and eliminate them. What an awesome gift! I also like that this idea requires you to really be observant of your spouse, and listen to everything they say. If you aren't paying attention, you might not hear a casual comment about the dust on top of the clock or how their car needs to be vacuumed. They may not be purposely laying hints, but I am certain that any spouse would be grateful not only for thoughtfulness of the gift, but in the security of knowing that you are really listening to everything they tell you!

So as Valentine's Day approaches, and you're thinking about what to do for your spouse, consider something like this. While dinner, chocolates, flowers, and cards are nice, what better way to show them you love them than to spend time working to make their life easier, and more comfortable. We are called to serve each other in love, 'til death do us part.

Galatians 5:13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.